I often see people struggle to figure out the best language to use to refer to specific queer communities, including having witnessed some rather spectacular arguments over the topic from within the community. I'll share what I've chosen to do regarding this.
From my perspective, there is something to be said for just doing your best with the language and then moving on until such a time that it becomes clear to you that you can do better. This isn't meant to be used as a deflection from valid criticism. It is only meant to recognize that in an active community with heavily fluid and developing language, it is unavoidable that the best language to use will change over time. And that, as this language is changing, it is difficult or even impossible to always get it perfectly right. I both work professionally with and do research focused on my own queer community. This is something I have repeatedly come up against over the years. It took me a bit to understand that it just is not possible to find the perfect language that will never be criticized. Someone will always feel that something else would be better, and often, they will have valid points. To make it even more confusing, sometimes those points will directly conflict with other, just as valid, points.
I've settled on the idea that as long as I am using language in good faith, the majority of people who I interact with will understand that language in good faith. I will still get criticism, and that is completely okay and valid. I do my best to update my language as it becomes clear to me what is a better option, without overwhelming myself.
Right now, I'm using trans and gender diverse (TGD), but I've gotten valid criticism for it. In fact, everything else I have ever used has also gotten criticism. So I'm doing my best to use what I'm confident and comfortable with at this current point in time. For a while, I was commonly using trans and genderqueer, and we can go back to other terms like trans and gender nonconforming and more. Each time, there were valid criticisms, and there will continue to be valid criticisms.
It is okay for you to just do your best with what language you are using at any given time.